We · dont · want · to · hear · about · the · monkey · love.

Oh yeh... Forgot to say

I have a new PIGGY :D

Hes coote.. hes called B-K... After the B-K-lounge... and Dane Cook.. Cos he rocks and after our amazing weekend...

Kellianne wanted to call him 'Bonkie' so his name is 'Bonkie Kong' (B-K for short) :D

Ok.. well... I know what happened at Larachmor so i cant be arsed really wirting it... it was funny. :D

Welll Basically i went to kelliannes the day... saw her n mooney.. Went to the park as per... and then on the way back walked past the shop and ppl started calling me and i was like

" WTF "

And they still did it and i was like

"Kellianne who is that?"

her reply was its Ped... God ive not seen him in years... He was so much fun at skool. He used to make me pee maself laughing.

So we hung about wae him abit.. but kellianne couldnt be arsed wae him.. we go back to hers... and he knocked on this guys dorr and opened it stuck his head in and shouted... it was funn... but nasty... but funny..

And they ran off and we went into kelliannes.

We then decided to go to the chippy and toni n kellianne were like

"oh no, its ped"

He was with david and liam i was like :D lucky day.. Cos liams hot and well i so's ped... grr my bad taste in guys. LOl

So we hung about abit.. was a right laugh... Ped was like

"would you shag Liam?" i said no... Lol... LIES !! :P

Ah well...

OVER-And-OUT

OK well..

Lloyd finished wae me again... but this time its like proper..

I am sad.

Kellianne says he'll want me back when he realises he cant live with out me... but thats baws... he'll get sum1 else.. and hay, lets face it im not really so great ppl cant live with out me.. its ok i know it so dont contradict it.

*screams* amazing look what i found... i sent it to faceparty from my fone... i actually love faceparty now... OH god its like amazing :D:D

ok well for those who dont know him or what he looks like this is Lloyd :) and i love him very muchly.. even tho i say i dont and he hurts me i really do... he jst makes me soo happy... jst finding this picture had worked... welll i felt anbalievable... jst soo happy... maybe too happy... i really love him... its so weird to feel like this over a guy.... but i dont know... mooneys kinda worryed about me and my feelings for him... hes never really experienced me like this before... ive never really experienced it either... so... its all good in my world...

Ah well..

*screams* i just wish i was with him more

Because this is where he lives

We live near where it says livingston (no shit sherlock) and he stays where the red things pointing too.... (wooo thanks too google)

And yes... we all know he has marks on his neck that wasnt me... well .... maybe it was bt shhh... you should have saw wat he did to mine.

over-and-out

So what? You Like to make me vulnerable? I love you and you know this but yet you continue to hurt me? Its just not really at a good time I guess. Letting this… Us… go hurts me more than it will hurt you but maybe. Just maybe. Its better.

I cant be arsed. Its no longer fun. I hate ‘this’. ‘This’ being you. ‘This’ being me. ‘This; being life. ‘This’ being the comments. People change. And hell. I have changed but its events like this that do it.

I had a dream last night. Not about you. It was about me. It wasn’t fair. It reminded me of being happy. It reminded me of not having a care in the world. It reminded me of how much I loved him. It just reminded me.
Its not fair. How can you play with my emotions. Happy with me one min unhappy the next? Basically all I want to ask is WHY?

‘that is to say
that will live forever
that will never die
that you can imagine
that you can think of
that’s alright
that’s fine’

Yeh well. ‘That’s’ not fine. ‘That’s’ not alright.

’That’ … Just ‘That’ hurts. So much. It burns. It’s the worst feeling. Just knowing in just ‘That’ to you. You would deny it, I know you would. But I cant. I know how it is. I know how it goes. Its happened before. And people then ask why I changed? Why I’m different? Why am I the way I am? Well ask those you love and who have hurt you too and ask yourself why have you changed? Has that had an influence? Well then you’d know how I felt, how I feel.

I fell but I didn’t land on my feet you knocked me over, you blew me away. And for a minute I believed you , for a minute I couldn’t believe it. But now… oh now. How foolish do I feel?

I can’t be bothered having to be nice to you when your nasty to me jut because you’ve heard unwanted news or had a bad day…. You have too many. What about me? If you loved me you’d find another outlet for your anger… why do I have to take it?

I don’t want to be a part time girl friend…. I want to be there or not. I want to be a part of your life… or not… I don’t want to be there when YOU want me to be. I don’t want to be there when YOUR having a bad day. I don’t want to be a part of YOUR life when YOU want me to be and only then. Either I’m there or I’m not. That’s all there is to it.

I hate feeling vulnerable. And that’s all love is. Its another way for someone to manipulate you. Ok I may only be speaking like that because of you, because of whats happened. But its basically the truth. I want a man. I want someone who wants me, who loves me and who I want , need , and love back. I want a long term, proper relationship like other people have.. OK. Maybe not marriage but just something that means something. Hell stupidly enough I THOUGHT id found it… But obviously not… Its just another… hell I’m bored. Lets find someone until I find someone better. Yes, I admit to it. I do that quite often. But it does start with genuine feelings I cant help it if I get bored. Its just annoying when I find someone I don’t think I’ll get bored with its only natural for them not to like me…

I’ve had enough of the whore and slut comments. And yes I do bring it on quite a lot. But its ok for a guy to sleep about? Its ok for a guy not to have relationships ? but not a girl? Not me? Ok. So I’ll stop with the sex. I’ll try to find a boyfriend that will last longer than 3 weeks. But its hard. Specially when something like this happens.

I do love him. That is the main problem here. I just feel sad. I can’t take someone being nasty to me 2 times in 3 days and then saying sorry I was in a bad mood. Or sorry I was having a bad day. It hurts. I don’t want it. And then when I have a problem who can I turn too? Not many folk because I put it on , or I want to make someone feel sorry for me, or they’ll laugh at me and go “its all in your head come on I know what your like you’ll find someone else to shag”. Maybe , yes, sometimes I do have problems. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me, lets face it its not that bigger deal. Its just if they had a problem and where crying I’d be there for them. I just needed someone to talk to, someone not to make fun of me. So who do I turn to the biggest dick head I know. He was the person to offer me sympathy to listen to cheer me up… ok as Thomas said he may only be being sympathetic cos he wants In my pants. But he’s not going get there. It meant a lot to me.. who else did I have to turn to? I know I have friends like carrie n mooney n shiboaby n kellianne. But I don’t want to bother them with it. They have problems of their own.

I don’t know….

It just hurts.

Love sucks.

I just want him to be here to hug. To hold. To be mine. But well its not really going to happen..

I love you Lloyd.. Pah. I feel so weak saying that. So defenceless. But I can’t help it. This is seriously the strongest I have felt for someone for quite a while. And yes, I have a new man like ever week or every2 weeks. I just hoped this one would last a little, just a little longer.

pretty sad like.. Lloyds a fanny *sulks*

Oh i feel hurt... i dont know why.. he jst hung up on me thats all... pah..

CHORUS
Baby you're all that I want
When you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe,
We're in Heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see,
We're In Heaven

Oh thinkin bout our younger years
There was only you and me
We were young and wild and free
Now, nothing can take you away from me
We've been down that road before
But that's over now,
You keep me coming back for more

CHORUS
Baby you're all that I want
When you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe,
We're in Heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see,
We're In Heaven

Oh, once in your life you find someone,
who would turn your world around,
pick you up when your feeling down

Now, nothing can change what you mean to me**
there's a lot that i could say
Just hold me now
Cause our love will light the way

CHORUS
Baby you're all that I want
When you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe,
We're in Heaven
love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see,
We're In Heaven

I'll be waiting for someone
For something to alright
For love to come your love
Now our dreams are coming true
Through the good times and the bad
I'll be standing there by you....

CHORUS

Oh oh oh

Oh oh oh

We're In Heaven

** this was the only line i knew cos it was on when a car drove past when i was with lloyd and we were singing it but thats the only line we sang we sang it over and over again... makes me think of him

You know how you can feel it welling up and the back if your throat before the tear come into your eyes, weird.

But hell... who the fuck cares really?

I hate this. I dont know why but i have greatly noticed the severe lack of friends i have at this exact moment in time and it hurts i guess. i want to fuck off.. I cant cope here anymore

over and out

Yes. Well party weekend.Was quite nice :)

Met the most sexy guy ever.. Hes a big ned. but i dont care. hes hot and a good pull the second he walked into the pub i was like oh god hes sooo hot. But i thought i wouldnt be able to have him i severly doubted even talking to him.

But then he spilled my bottle of becks. And then I was like ":O whats happened to my pint?" mooney laughed and said "it was him" and pointed to Lloyd. And we started chatting. but he was chatting to nicola and i was like :( he'll like nicola every1 does. then she went away and we started flirting like sooo bad. and blowing the wee party blow things you know the ones that unwind and whistle when you blow in them. and it was fun then we kissed and hugged and the whole oof the rest of the night we were hugging and kissing. was nice :D then my mum n dad and thomas's dad were talking about it and ripping me when i went over for more booze. but i dont care. we were hanging about at the main bar bit. and talking to Lloyds cousin n mooney and we were with his aunt ev. and she was like "No kanoodleing" i giggles and went back to kissing him.

Went to mikeys was shit,

Went back to thomases and i was with lloyd again, he is sooo hot. i was so worryed that he wouldnt like me when he was sober but he does. He lives Far away tho. but hes coming back next week witch means i get to shag him :D Hes HOT :D

Hes sooo nice..
Ah well.. me n guys.. its ridiculous. HEHEHE. he'll be Number 20 :P hahaha. Unless i get anyone else untill then. But maybe lloyd wont come next week :( ah well...

x

Ah well.

i found out why i felt so sick and tired and stuff at the centre.
I have food poisoning form the pork sandwich i had ate the previous day and because i had nothing to eat i wasnt sick or anything so i didnt really notice. untill i ate and was sick. This is so crap. First the Joe thing. and then this... Pah. Everything comes at once doesnt it.

The Honest Survey:
Answer these questions honestly.
No liars!

1. Honestly, what color are your underwear?
umm *checks* white with pink flowers on it

2. Honestly, whats on your mind right now?
Me... Joe

3. Honestly, what are you doing right now?
Doing this, Listening to the simpsons and being on msn

4. Honestly, what did you do today?
School

5. Honestly, do you think you are attractive?
I can be attractive sumtimes

6. Honestly, have you done something bad today?
Nups *angelic face*

7. Honestly, do you watch disney channel?
Not often

8. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?
Yeh. The girl Joe fancys

9. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?
Being with my friends, Joe.. But meh i cani have him now.

10. Honestly, do you bite your nails?
To neaten them up like if i tear one abit

11. Honestly, what is your mood right now?
Its ok. Abit upset and abit grumpy (had a badish day)

12.Honestly, have you had an eating disorder?
Nah. I dont. i just dont eat properly sumtimes

13. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute?
Yeh :(

14. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?
I ahve a secret only one person knows and its DEEP AND DARK.. like it could REALLY devistat sum1. i feel bad for doing it.

16. Honestly, do you hate someone right now?
not really

17. Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now?
Joe

18. Honestly, are you loyal?
Hehehe.. to who? bfs? not really. friends? yeh

19. Honestly, are you in denial?
HAHAA.. nah not really.. what would i be in denial from?

20. Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now?
With who? I would.. but depends who with tho.

21. Honestly, who is/are your best friend(s)?
Mooney, Shiboaby, kirsten... Kellianne and nicola (but were both loosing touch)

22. Honestly, have you ever consumed alcohol?
HEHEHE... HELL YEH

23. Honestly, do you like someone?
YES!! ALOT

24. Honestly, does anyone like you?
Yeh... Mikey Pah

25. Honestly, is it going anywhere with them?
Not really

26. Honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly?
yeh..

SECTION 1: PAST
1. Cheated on someone? YEH
2. Fallen off the bed? MANY TIMES
3. Broken someone's heart? A LITTLE BIT. I COULDNT HELP IT THOUGH
4. Had your heart broken? YES
5. Had a dream come true? YEH 
6. Done something you regret? DONT WE ALL?? 

SECTION 2 : CURRENTLY
1. Wearing? FREDDIES TOP AND JEANS
2. Like anyone? YES
3. Taken? KINDA
4. Have any piercings?: NO
5. How many?: NONE
6. Ever Smoke? YES
7. Tattoos? NOPE

SECTION 3 : LAST PERSON YOU
1. Hugged? PASS CANI MIND
2. IMed?: MIKEY
3. Talked on the phone to?: MIKEY
4. Yelled at?: PASS, CANI MIND

SECTION 4 : PERSONAL
1. What do you want to be when you get older?: TEACHER
2. What has been the best day of your life? WALES WITH BEN.PAH I LOVED HIM MUCHLY.
3. What comes first in your life? FRIENDS
4. What do you usually think about before you to to bed?: LOTS OF THINGS
5. Did you ever lose someone you really loved? YES
6. Do you love your family?: YES

SECTION 5: Your Favorite...
1. Movie: HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH 
2. Song: THERE ARE SO MANY
3. Ice Cream Flavor: VANILLA
5. Candy: CANDY FLOSS
6. Day of the Week: FRIDAY AND SATURDAY 
7. Color: BLACK OR RED.

SECTION 6 : DO YOU
1. Like to give hugs? YES
2. Like to walk in the rain? YES
3. Prefer black or blue pens? BLUE
4. Like to travel? ON THE TRAIN... YES
5. Sleep on your side? YES
6. Have a goldfish? NUP
7. Ever have the falling dream? YES
8. Have stuffed animals? YES

SECTION 7 : THIS OR THAT
1. Pierced nose or tongue? TONGUE 
2. MTV or BET?: MTV
3. 7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek? NEITHER
5. Silver or gold?: Silver.
6. Chocolate or flowers? FLOWERS.
7. Color or Black-and-white photos? DEPENDS
8. m&ms or skittles?: M & M'S
9. Stay up late or sleep in? BOTH
10. Hot or cold?: MEDIUM
11. Ketchup or spring: EH?
13. Happy or sad?: HAPPY
14. Wonder or amazement?: AMAZEMENT
15. mexican or italian food? NEITHER
16. O.C. or Laguna Beach?NEITHER

100 Yes's or 100 No's
You are NOT allowed to explain anything.
ONLY answer "yes" or "no" :D

1. Slept naked?:  yes
2. Taken a shower with someone?: no
3. Made out with a member of the same sex?:  yes
4. Drove a car?: no
5. Stole anything?: dunno... nothing much if i have
6. Told someone you love them?: yes
7. Been dumped?: yes
8. Stole money from a friend/family member?: nup
9. Gotten in a car with people you just met?: no
10. Been in a fist fight?: no
11. Snuck out of your/someones house?: yes
12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back?: yes ... now 
13. Been arrested?: no
14. Hugged a stranger?: yes
15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex?: yes
16. Left your house with out telling your parents?: yes
17. Had a crush on your neighbor?: no
18. Ditched school to do something more fun?: yes, sex
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the opposite sex?: yes
20. Lost a friend?: yes
21. Been on a plane?: no
22. Been to an island?: yes, were one one 
23. Slept in until 3?: yes
24. Love someone or miss someone right now?: yes
25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?: yes
26. Made a snow angel?: yes
27. Played dress up?: yes
28. Cheated while playing a game?: yes
29. Been lonely?: yes
30. Kissed more than 4 people in one night?: yes =p
33. Touched a snake?: yes 
34. Ran a red light?: no
36. Had detention?: yes
37. Been in a car accident?: kinda. mikey crashed. but it was only teeeny
38. Hated the way you look?: yes
39. Made yourself throw up?: nup
40. Crawled through a window?: yes
41. Been lost?: yes
42. Been to the opposite side of the country?: yes
43. Felt like dying?: yes
44. Cried yourself to sleep?: yes
46. Sang karaoke?: no
47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?: yes
48. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?: yes
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue?: yes
50. Kissed in the rain?: yes
51. Sang in the shower?: yes
52. Made love in a car?: YES *coughcough*
53. Had a dream that you married someone?: yes
54. Glued your hand to something?: yes
55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?: no
56. Ever gone to school partially naked?: no
57. Been a cheerleader?: no
59. Didn't take a shower for a week?: yes (we have a bath so it would be longer =P)
60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone?: Yes im a wooose
61. Played chicken?: no
62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?: no
63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger?: yes
64. Broken a bone?: no
65. Been easily amused?: yes!
66. Laugh so hard you cry?: yes!
67. Mooned/flashed someone?: yes
68. Cheated on a test?: yes
69. Forgotten someone's name?: yes
71. Done something dumb while drunk?: yes
73. Blacked out from drinking?: no
74. Played a prank on someone?: yes
75. Gone to a late night movie?: late-ish
76. Made love to anything not human?: Hehehe.. like an alien? 
77. Failed a class?: not entirely
78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat?: no
80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend?: yeh
81. Celebrate the 4th of July?: no
82. Thrown strange objects?: yes
83. Felt like killing someone?: yes!
84. Thought about running away?: yes
85. Ran away?: no
86. Got a piercing?: no
87. Cut your own hair?: no
89. Made a parent cry?: nah i dont think so 
90. Cried over someone?: yes
91. Owned more than 5 sharpies?: sharpies?
92. Dated someone more than once?: yes 
93. Had/Have a dog?: yeh
94. Have an iPod?: no
95. Smoked a cigarette?: yes 
97. Drank 25 sodas in a day: no
98. Broken a CD?: yes
99. Shot a gun?: no
100. Wanted someone but could never have them?: yes 

DO IT IT'S A GIRL'S SURVEY! GUYS, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THIS ONE, YOU WON'T UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF IT......FILL OUT THE QUESTIONAIRE THEN REPOST

01. Eyeliner or mascara?
both

02. American eagle or hollister?
eh?

03. Skirts or jeans?
either

04. Socks or leggings?
socks

05. Hoodies or jackets?
hoodies

06. Heels or sneakers?
Depends on outfit

08. Hoop or dangling earrings?
dont have my ears peirced

10. Your favourite color(s):
lots

11. Victoria's Secret or Bath and Body Works?
Duno

12. Smoothies or lattes?
smoothies

13. Diet or regular sodas?
regular

14. Water or daquiris?
water

15. Pearl or Diamonds?
Pearls 

17. This or That?
this

18. IPOD or Cellphone?
PHONE

19. Friends or family?
both

20. Lip gloss or chapstick?
chapstick

21. Manicure or pedicures?
neither

22. Love or peace?
both

23. Sunglasses or purses?
purse

X what you have:
[ ] an ipod
[ ] tiffany's necklace.
[ ] a Louis Vuttion purse.
[ ] a coach purse
[ ] Dooney and Bourke
[ ] anything dior (perfume thats ran out)
[x] a computer.
[x] a cd player.
[x] a stereo.
[ ] a spice girl cd.
[ ] a cosmo girl magazine.
[x] a teddy bear.
[ ] a build a bear.
[ ] an American eagle purse.
[ ] hollister jeans.
[ ] a hot topic shirt.
[x] a cell phone.
[ ] an aeropostale shirt.
[x] a big screen TV. (big ish)
[ ] the mean girls dvd. (from carrie :D :D)
[x] a TV in my room.
[x] a big bed.
[ ] diamond earrings.
[ ] a pearl necklace. [fake 1]
[x] a prom dress. will have one soon
[x] a book.
[x] a myspace.
[ ] curious perfume.
[ ] g-unit sneakers.
[ ] a black shirt.
[ ] abercrombie skirt
[x] converse
[x] diary or journal
[x] black nail polish

Girl Knowledge:

Do you know exactly where the blush goes?
nah

Would you say you know how to put on make up?
kinda... a little.. if im lucky

Do you know how to french braid?
i know how... just cant do it

Do you know what kind of lip gloss can make your teeth whiter?
nup

Do you use an eyelash curler?
no

Do you use waterproof mascara?
no

How many times a day do you apply lipgloss?
depends if im wearing lip gloss or not. usually a whole nonce :P

Who ever said falling inlove was good?

Well Ive fell for the wrong man again. Grr. I dont know.

I just wish he was falling for me in the same way. But shit happens.

Ill just stick with mikey.. He's the best guy ever. Just not the one i want just now.

x x x

Hello All.

Ive not really wrote in this for a great deal of time so I think I may update breifly. Yes my happenings have been great and too much to really write about so i dont really bother. Why should I? Everyone really knows whats going on in my life, from going into edinburgh to sexing people at the centre :P Ah but it happens.

Ok. I shall try to tell of my weekend. Well Fridayyyy. What did I do? I... Cant remember. OH yeh. I wasn't too well. My lungs hurt a great deal. So i stayed off on thursday, only to into computing and Miss K being off. Grr.
Well I didn'd go in on friday. I stayed at home doing homework and revision and foned Micheal several times. Because of the snow he was running late. When he finally got to West Calder I met him we stayed there for like an hour or so.. Was nice, a laugh. Hes a kool guy like :) We then got cold and he needed to see Daniel and that. So we left. I only just managed to get the bus and went to see Mikey. We had fun ;) I was freaking out cause I had lost track of time and it was 7 ish. I phoned Rob.... No answer. I phoned his Mob... Turned off. Shit I was thinking hes at mine (as he was ment to come and stay... Notice the word MENT) Mikey the lovely man he is walked me up to the bus stop. He said that if Rob didnt stay he would stay wiht me IF I wanted him too. I got on the bus.. When I'd been on it for about 5 mins I phoned Rob. And got through. "Sorry im not comeing through"
"why?"
"I cant get a lift, and i have no money"
"ah."
"anyway, I dont want to go to Addiewell"
"well come to Livi. I will meet you."
"I cant. Anyway I have to go n see craig"
"oh. Bye"
I Got to livi and called Mikey and told him he could stay. I then called Darren cos its well Darren, A friday night. He will be at the pub. So i called him and he came outside, he said he'd seen Mooney. I called him and sure enough he was in livi, I perswaded Darren to go to morrisons for Mooney and get wine. When we were up there i went to the toliet there was UV lights int here and they were purpley blue. I was greatly amused. I also saw Gemba and the bassist for the penguins working there.
Went Home. Played a game thing with Gavin. Waited for Mikey who was rather late then Me, Him, Connor and Gavin played buzz was fun :) I got really tired and went to bed, Before i feel asleep me n Mikey made soup. However we went on the the floor :P. I got a head ache took paracitimal and slept.

saturday i went to Edin with Stacey and i met David (Noddy) gowd not seen him for yonks. Stupidly enough I forgave him... Again. Grr. So we hung about with him And he and stacey got close. I was like Hmmm. I could see what would happen. Ah well. Me n Micheal were kinda close anyway. He was who i was hugging. Being close to.. Leaning on... Not David. Oh I wonder why.
Well we went back to mine I could have spent more time with Micheal but no i asked david n stacey to stay at mine. Was fun tho.. Kinda. God Davids such a fucking sod I think I really hate him. Well i phoned him there the now. And found out the reason he pulled Stacey was to get back at me being close to micheal and when he was being close to stacey for Christs sake. In words of him own "[he] was being the bigger man" My fucking arse. Stacey got really upset about pulling him. Why?? I know its not her fucking fault. Hes such a sod. I hate him. They stayed I fell asleep they stayed awake.

Woke up on Sunday. Made David and Stacey leave kinda early. I couldnt help it was going out to see Joe.. So we drove to peebles I got out at the post office and got a txt from mikey. I got so worryed and so upset cos he said "3 months till what?Ppl dont like us being together?i love you so much. xxx" I hadnt sent him a txt. I got really upset. cos it was obviously to sum1 else. So i texted back saying "what?" and he replyed "oops sorry wasnt for you" I was soo fucking sad. then Joe came and met me like 10 mins late. But who cares?
We walked down the road and took a walk in this wee woody bit. It was nice there was snow on the ground we found this bench and sat and talked we are complete opposites :P but we get on well. We got cold as it started to snow again and headed back to his. Hes got a crazy mofo dog. Its kool tho. And we went thro to his room to watch hellraiser. Was great fun. :) When i had to leave it was quite a trech back up tot he post office to meet up with my mum it snowed, we were walking into it we looked like freaking snowmen. :P
As i got home Mikey pulled up at my house so Me, Him and Connor played buzz. Then he took me to Mooneys aunt Ev's was fun. I got really hyper and played with Dylan. Hes sooo coooote. Then he went to bed and got really down and depresssed. I didnt let Mikey go cos i needed to hug him. Eventually he left and me n Mooney just sat and talked and had a laugh.
About 12 we went to bed and talked for ages. It was sucha girls night. He was in the air bed on the floor and i was on the bed he put his chin on the bed and we sat and whispered. But it was weird. As we talking about male things... Well more masculine things... Dylan woke up about 2 and kept crying and wouldnt go to sleep and wanted to sleep in the same bed as him mum. It was ok.. He eventually got to sleep in Ev's bed.

Monday woke up uber early went to mooneys got the skool but fae Addiewell. Skool was shit. The centre was shit.. LOl. What do you expect tho??

Today. Went to skool. Felt like a friday. As i was going to Edin. Went to Edin met Joe. We walked all the way to Gorgie. it was raining. it took 2 hours there and back. We got splashed alot by a bus :(. Was funny tho. We talked the whole way there and the whole way back. Hes so kool :) He was telling me about killing a pidgion and a hedghog (the hedgehog was accidental) it was soo fucking funny. We were sooo cold :(. pah

Well there is prolly more.. But i cant be arsed to write anything.

over and out

Yeh well some people are so funny. Its offical. Im gona seriously bulk up Ie. Get more muscles cos ive had enough.. Next time i will beat fuck out of that fat slag..

"Oh i cant splitt up with my bf cos hes emtionionally black mailing me"

welll who fucking cares? other people have problems. Shes a fucking immature little bitch who has far too much self pity. If she wants too off her self.. Ill fucking help.

"People laugh when i say if my life doesnt improve by the age of 16 i will kill myself. they dont take me seriously. but if it continues the way it does i wont be alive to see 16"

There used to be a time i felt sorry for the little whore. But i dont anymore.
Shes a little attention seeker. She knows nothing.

Ok.. well.. I cant think of anything else to rant about.

I feel bad cos im being nasty to mikey

I think i may go out for a bit. its only 11:15. i think i need the walk. Oh wait i cant go outside cos of my lungs. But who cares?
Ill just smoke myself to death.

Well heres a thought to go away with...

FIND A FUCKING WAY OF COPING. EVERYONE ELSE DOES!!

Look ive had enought. this is so fucking crap AGAIN.

They dont fucking listen to me i think i may scream HOWEVER!!!!! If i do i will be the one to give me into trouble BUT WAIT Who would be there to give me introuble cos they probably All have been bloody shouting over me..

OH the only oither person to be able to give me intouble would be my mother and father who would get a report back from the neighbors and when im not alowed people to stay anymore they'd be like "oh why you not alowed people?" even tho i have told them several times already today.

FUCK THEM!!! as long as they have fun to night and even if i dont get banned i thik i dont want this many people ever again!!! its just no fun it never fucking is OH WAIT why is that? Cos they are all fucking bastarding piss heads!!

I dont want them!! again. Ive had enought. I like 3 friends is enough for the time being ill just take turns in what group i envite over... I think carrie n shinobi should come more. I like spending time with them.. But all the noisy fucks who dont listen to me and only use my house as somewere to go and something to do as their parents either wont let them smoke and drink or sont let them have loads of ppl over!!
So fuck youz. go and find a new party point. cos ive had e-fucking-nough.

Yeh well other than that ive had fun.. I wish last night was tonight cos it would have been far better. I loved it so much more.. Whow isnt it funny how much you can change In 24 hours go from UBER happy to so depressed you feel like jumping out of a fucking window!!!

Ah well. Im now getting told to stop typing i dont think i should i find this is a nice way of releving my anger. hahaha. im really typing this to rob it feelskinda weird. *rob snorts* and says "aye right" you should have herd what he was saying in his sleep today it was kinda along the lines of "OWW my nipple" "wghats wrong with it" "its trapped in the door" *rob reads over shoulder and says"for fucks sake cum on" ..

Ah well.. Ive kinda cheered up.. talkign to joe hes kool :) im so happy i met him yesterday.

oh well. Will prolly write more later

abi x x x

Ps sorry shiboaby for replying to you youll see tomoro.. when u asked if i was ok.. This entrys not for you.. I love you..

Its not really for any1 i just need an outlook for my anger!!

whow. Its been quite a while

Trying to find the energy to do this is way beyond me.

Went to robs gig. Was quite fun :) walked down to spar with reekie. have been txting him. but hes away to bed now.

spent alot of time with mikey.

Oh welll.

Thats really it.

adios

E: men are like parking spaces the good ones are taken the rest are disabled

J: 人は駐車場のようであるよい物が残りをである不具取られる

E: Good ones the person like the parking zone the disability which is are taken remainder

J: よい物は人駐車地帯を取られる残りをある不能好む

E: As for good ones the remainder which is taken human parking zone a certain failure is liked

J: よい物に関しては人間の駐車地帯にある失敗を取られる残りは好まれる

E: The remainder which is taken the failure which is in parking zone of the human in regard to good ones is liked

Lol. Its fun. But it looses sense quickly. Short ones are good
Eg :

レモンケーキ - lemon cake :D